Too frequently do I hear some variation of the phrase "Is just how I am". I often think in response something along the lines of "Does that mean it's chemical imprinted into your DNA or is that what you've chosen to be?"
Essentially, who we are is a reflection of the choices we make given the environment we are in. I cringe whenever someone claims that some otherworldly force prevents them from acting a certain way, because our personality, mood, and perception of the world is vastly based upon how we have decided to act given our circumstances.
Have you ever wondered why someone who is socially awkward acts the way they do? Its not because that's "who they are", but because that's how they've chosen to react to life. I'm not inferring its a bad thing that they've done so, but I'm simply saying there is a way to change it.
Once I had entered middle school, I had noticed one glaring difference, all of my close friends were scattered around and not a single one of them was in any of my classes. The problem wasn't in my ability to make friends, but in my ability to speak to people I wasn't comfortable around. This resulted in the typical teasing and taunting most people experience, especially during this time period in life. I had no idea how to respond to it, and whenever I thought I had an idea, it seemed to result in even more laughter and mockery. I'm certain most people can relate to that.
What was the most difficult to get was how to talk to and act around women. I really didn't have any female friends, and I didn't exactly know what to do. There was a specific girl in my locker bank that comes to mind. I really liked her. I would talk to her after and before school and had what I considered to be pleasant conversations. However, one day, she spake to me and said something along the lines of "Justin, would you please stop stalking me!" I had absolutely no idea. Everything I was doing made perfect sense to me. I had no inkling that I was doing anything wrong. I thought that quite the opposite was true and that I thought she wanted me to ask her out. I couldn't have been more surprised. I composed myself later that day and thought about what I was doing wrong.
I probably wasn't a good idea to perch myself at her locker 7 minutes before she normally came to school and wait for her. I probably shouldn't run to catch up to her every time I saw her in in the hallway, especially if it was the downstairs hallway and I ran down the stairs and called to her so she would notice I was coming. Along a similar note, I probably shouldn't take strategic water breaks to slow my pace so she could catch up to me. Given my perception of the world, all of these things made perfect sense. However, everything I was doing translated to stalking in her world, and probably most of the rest of the world. I really had to try hard the next few years to change how I acted. Whenever I saw act negatively towards something I did, I tried to view it from outside myself and figure out what I could be doing wrong. Then I had to find a way to change it. It came to a lot of trial and error, but it was worth it. Later in high school, I met up with that girl again. I was able to have a completely civilized conversation with her and we had become friends. Our previous little encounter was brought up in conversation once, to where she apologized for being so harsh. I, in return, thanked her for doing so, because otherwise I wouldn't have figured it out.
Its easier to just accept life the way it is and accept that it'll always be that way. Its easier to just say "that's the way it is." Its harder to choose to act to our circumstances and better ourselves. In my personal experience, however, its a lot better to choose who you are.
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