Every single person in this world has been given the power to choose, or agency. This allows us the ability to decide our actions, and reap the reactions that occur because of those actions. There are two different ways we act, consciously and unconsciously. Conscious actions are ones that we understand that we’re making. These are simple to control, because we are already thinking about them when we make these decisions. Decisions like what are we going to eat for breakfast? What am I going to wear to the dance? Should I buy this new CD? Etc. Unconscious actions are the ones we don’t typically think about. Obvious answers to this are like breathing, but the ones I wish to speak about are much more detailed than bodily functions. The unconscious decisions I’m referring to are the reflex and response actions. It’s the things we do instinctively.
Through the course of time, I have been able to identify that I have a certain fear of people in leadership positions. Whenever I am around my supervisors, I tend to either clam up and not say anything, or if I manage to mutter anything, the pressure of the situation causes me to fumble with my words. I use the term fumble loosely, it’s more like someone has taken all of my thoughts, formulated them into a coherent passage, taken that passage and loaded it into a shotgun, fired, and pieced back the passage blindfolded. I do not consciously tell myself to do this. I don’t know anyone would want to. This problem manifested itself to me when I was serving a mission. Whenever I was spending the day with my Zone Leader (a supervisor for missionaries in my church), I would get so uncomfortable that I couldn’t function the way I typically did with my companion. This problem was pointed out to me by my companion, and I was determined to fix it. I realized what the problem was and implemented a solution. That day, when I was with my Zone Leader, I told myself that whenever I felt uncomfortable in any way, I was going to make a joke, or say something humorous about the situation. That day, I got lost 7 times, had every appointment fall through, and I ran through everything I had planned to do for the day in less than an hour. It really wasn’t the ideal day, especially one when I was under supervision. However, I consciously thought of how I was going to handle everything. Whenever I got lost, I made a joke; whenever I felt myself shotgun my sentences, I carefully thought out each word in my head, spoke slowly and intermittently would say something funny. At the end of the day, which indeed seemed to drag on forever, my Zone Leader complimented me saying he was very impressed in how I was able to overcome every trial that came my way and nothing seemed to depress me. He was pleased he was able to spend the day with someone who could so naturally overcome bad experiences and that he had a lot to learn from me. He also complimented my humor and said I was pleasant to serve with. I make it a personal point to say that I had never been given those compliments at any time in my life prior to that. No one had ever told me before that I had a natural sense of humor or ability to overcome problems. In truth, the exact opposite was true. My nickname on the mission was “Stoneface” because of my natural lack of emotion, and I had been told frequently that I make mountains out of molehills.
This was a triumph. By turning my unconscious behaviors of clamming up and stammering my words under supervision into a conscious effort to be funny and respond to my problems positively, I successfully changed how I handled those situations. And I continue to do so. Whenever I can sense myself succumbing to my natural tendency to freeze up, I focus on instead doing something else.
This method can be used to help with any sort of natural reaction, and not just my own. It can help with feelings of anger, defense, offense, stubbornness, depression, impatience, and numerous others. It is simply a matter of choice. Your choice. You can choose to react differently if you take the time to think.
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